food humorfood humor Eat, Drink and Really Be Merry
Low Fat Substitutes: Poly-Unsaturated Imitations of Life
by Marjorie Dorfman

Page 2

I put butter and margarine in a class all by themselves because I find them to be the most confusing of all. Non-fat and light butter taste okay, but you can’t use either of them for baking or frying (I know I said the dreaded word "fry" but every once in a while everyone should) I often use "I can’t believe it's you know what" because you can bake or fry with that. I both like and don’t like margarine, which puts me in the same category as the ambivalent people who put the labels on the product in the first place. It’s only a drop less fattening than butter, but it’s also an artificial product and there are many studies concerned about that.

Another butter substitute that I won’t touch is that alien container marked "trans-fat." I see trans-fat products, but they lurk with such uncertainty upon supermarket shelves that I feel I cannot trust them. I have heard they are no good for you, but I don’t know why. I heard the same thing about my ex-husband. I didn’t listen then; I try to now. In the long run, I feel I’m better off having the real thing in smaller quantities. (This axiom applies to butter, but not to jewelry or good times.) One tablespoon goes a long way in flavor and can only wreak a certain amount of havoc on thighs and buttocks.

Non-fat and fat-free are the same thing, as far as I can tell. It's like being free of pregnancy and non-pregnant. Redundant and confusing, n’est ce pas? Or do I feel this way only because I am a college graduate? These labels are driving me nuts! Total fat and total carbohydrate and fat per serving and on and on and on. Accept no substitute except this substitute! If I don’t buy their product I might as well vote for whoever made it. They make as much sense as most politicians do anyway.

fruit, vegetable, natural foodSo what to do, what to do? I have no idea. I just watch what I eat and eat what I watch. Sometimes I feel like a voyeur, checking out labels, smelling, feeling, weighing and evaluating. These days everything and everybody smells like a strawberry. I wonder how much fat is in one of them? Worse than that, I wonder if I will ever be able to eat anything without considering how fattening it is. Maybe I should go back to the old days, the way things were before the hormonal war raged through my body and I used to eat chicken pot pies. Maybe you should too. Life is no fun without some fun. By the way, has anyone seen my ex-husband?

Did you know . . .

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food humor"Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks."
Lin Yutang
The Importance of Living, 1937

"Talk of Joy: there may be things better than beef stew and baked potatoes and home-made bread
. . . there may be."

David Grayson
Adventures in Contentment, 1907

Two Fat Ladies

Two Fat Ladies, on Video

In this great video the late Jennifer Patterson and Clarissa Dickson Wright regularly featured on the Food Network demonstrate a variety of cooking techniques in their own unique and humorous fashion. Interesting recipes and innovative ingredients abound as do many chuckles.

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